The Love Gift

kid playing video game

Excerpt from my book: Mom’s Eye View

The price of love does have a dollar amount.

The holiday season is upon us and so are the vultures. As their unsuspecting victims, they always seem to swoop down when we’re at our most vulnerable. They come at us at the time of year when we worry about how we’re going to find the money to pay for fuel, fill the cupboards with food, make the car payment, as well as buy Christmas presents.

This is when the vultures tempt us with the allure of an easily acquired, high interest rate credit card, which seems like the answer to our prayers.

Resist! Resist I say! But the pull is strong and the process so simple. Approval is almost guaranteed as long as you have a job and have been paying your bills on time. When the card arrives, just days before Christmas, it seems so beautiful; its shiny exterior lulling us into a false sense of financial security.

We tell ourselves, “it’s only a few thousand dollars, I can double up on payments and have it paid off in no time.” Or, “no problem, I’ll just pay it off after Christmas.”

Yeh right, that never really happens…most of us will only make the minimum payment and then bitch about the outrageous interest rates and how we’re getting shafted by the credit card companies. This is our punishment for being sucked into the world’s biggest scam in the first place. It’s the trade-off we make in order to indulge our expectant offspring.

As parents, we hate to disappoint our children. They’re the proof that our time here on earth hasn’t been wasted. They’re the ones who will carry on our family name, hopefully make it mean something in the future. They’re the ones who’ll make our family tree grow bigger and fill it with more apples. So, the last thing we want to do is piss them off.

They tell us they’re worthy of these gifts that they so desperately need. That to shower them with these gifts shows them the depth of our love. And if refused these wondrous commercial trinkets, the words, “you don’t love me!” will bounce off the walls of the house for days.

So, we grit our teeth and choke on the bile that rises in our throats as we agree to the credit card’s horrific and unrealistic terms of service and then reluctantly hand over a good portion of our paychecks to their out-stretched, greedy hands.

Then next Christmas when we again hear the cry, “if you loved me, then you’d get that for me!”

We’ll hand our blessed, darling children the bill from last year’s love-fest and say, “remember last Christmas when you had to have that gaming system and headset and the games to go with it? Here’s the love bill for that.”

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New Year’s Resolutions…

happy new year

It’s time to move forward and onward into the New Year with a new determination…for at least two weeks anyway. Just what am I determined to accomplish for the New Year? Well, hopefully lots. First and foremost, my resolutions are going to be kept. You doubt me? Don’t. Because this year’s resolutions are going to be keep-able.

curvy woman.png

 

Promise to lose ten or twelve pounds? Nope. I promise to keep them. I’ve already gone and bought new clothing to accommodate the new, curvier me.

Start an exercise routine? And lose those nice new curves? Feels good to fill out my jeans for a change.

cold pizza.jpg

Eat healthier? What’s wrong with cold pizza for breakfast?

Stop robbing my savings account and actually do some saving? Save for what? My death?  My retirement? At this point, there is likely to be no retirement coming my way. Pretty sure I’ll be working until I die. So why not enjoy that money while I can?

Keep up on the laundry and housework? Then how would I plan my days off without those things looming over my head?

family time

Spend more time with the family? I’d love to, but my firstborn lives a hundred miles away and my other child has his own thing going on and doesn’t need his mother hovering over him. He’s more than happy with our caveman conversations. “Yup. Nope. Love you too.”

netflix logo

More romantic times? I’ll continue to scroll through Netflix to find the perfect romance.

See? Easy resolutions that are easily kept.

I May Not Be a Woman After All….

pile of magazines

Reading a woman’s rag mag was quite an eye-opener for me. Being a woman, I thought I had the whole “woman” thing figured out. Come to find out, I know squat about being a woman. I discovered I was so far out of the loop that I almost wasn’t even a woman.

Here’s a list of the finer points of being a woman that educated me.

  1. That women on the backside of forty…well, pushing the fifty mark…are sexy! Who knew? I guess a lot more men than I thought are excited by a woman that has had some life experiences and isn’t afraid to show her true self. In fact, it seems to take the pressure off of them to not be so concerned about how they look.

guy watching tv

2. That Alpha women are highly sought after. An independent woman who can take care of herself, pay her own bills, is assertive, aggressive and opinionated isn’t such a bad thing after all.

50 shades

3. That a woman’s body is her temple…she just needs to know how to accessorize it properly.

scarf

with half a scarf.

woman and sheet

a perfectly placed sheet

angels

and those damn wings.

4. Make-up is now done in a way that it needs to look like we’re not wearing make-up…despite the layers we’ve troweled on to make it look that way.

lots of makeup

5. Exercise is still one of the healthiest ways to stay young. Just stay away from gyms where young people go.

booty shorts

But if forty/fifty plus is considered sexy, well dammit what the hell is sixty gonna be? I’m gonna rock my independence by wearing what I feel like and doing exactly what makes me happy!

uma thurman pulp fiction